Honoring Your Own Needs
by Misako Lauritzen

It just feels rather awkward to come back to this blog after so many weeks. All the same, I'm glad to come back and share my thoughts with all of you.

Sometimes a life hits us in places where we don't usually pay attention to. As our lives become complicated, it seems that there are more of these places.

My life as a mother, an entrepreneur, an employee, a yogi, a healer, a lover, a friend, as the private "me." How compartmentalized my life has become!

Should these "parts of me" separated or integrated? I used to think that I should take out one of them at a time and put it on, just as I would take out a piece of clothing and put it on for an occasion. In the past weeks, a conversation prompted me to start thinking differently.

Currently I am on a mentoring program for NVC, non-violent communication. NVC is a new way of looking at communications as a practice to recognize and honor one's own and fellow human beings' needs, and not as a strategy to get what you want. This kind of communication practice opens up possibilities to understand and to be understood more and, as a consequence, to enjoy more fulfilling relationships with your  friends, families and coworkers.

I was on a call with my mentor, when I was asked what my "next step" was. At the time I was seriously overworked, averaging a 3-hour sleep per night, and still I was falling behind my commitments. Therefore it was no mystery that this came out when I opened my mouth.

"I would like to take some actions to fulfill a promise with my friend," I said.

Then I went on to explain that it never sat well with me to feel out of integrity.

I was seriously taken aback by what my coach said next.

"Being in integrity means being whole, and it also includes honoring your own needs."

For longer than a few seconds, I did not understand what she meant. I was trying to think how I should respond. Then she continued.

"Integrity does not always mean fulfilling on promises.  You may want to take a closer look at what's holding you back from fulfilling the promise with your friend."

I pondered this question for a few minutes, and a familiar thought hit me. How I sometimes feel bothered, even angry, because I feel bombarded by other people's wants. I feel like I am being pulled to all different directions. I feel that I am always running around to fulfill what other people want from me, and I end up with no time or energy left for ME. I feel spent with nothing left to give.

Since that day of the phone call with my coach, I have been learning to re-evaluate what integrity means to me. And I am learning to say no, because I sometimes need to honor my own needs.

Do you feel that you have to fulfill on every promise you have made in order to be in integrity? Which of your own needs can you honor today to be a whole person?

Please listen

by Misako Lauritzen

Sometimes the smartest people make the mistake. They ignore the signs. They keep going as if everything is normal. And then, they break. When that finally happens, it is too late.

My father was an example. I almost became one, so I know. I know how easy it is to pretend.

My father was a brilliant dentist. People came to see him riding a train for two hours. He had a magic touch. When Dr. Taniwaki works on your teeth, it doesn't hurt a bit, they said. He was a small town dentist. No one famous, but well-loved and respected.

He also was a complicated man, and he did not reveal much of himself. It wasn't that he was shy and didn't talk. In fact he loved the battle of words and he could corner you into submission with his combative and clever rhetoric. However, like many men of his generation in Japan, he simply did not know how to express his feelings.

My father had a disability in his left leg; his knee was fused and could not be bent due to an unfortunate accident in his childhood. When he walked, it looked as if he was doing a funny little dance with his left shoulder bobbing up and down. If his disability made him ashamed of himself or slowed him down in any way, he did not show it. Whatever he lacked in his physical strength, he made up with his mental agility and fierce intellect. Even a slight sign of weakness he denied himself.

Like many doctors he self-diagnosed. Every night right before he retired to bed, he drank a shot of vinegar, honey and vitamin c powder concoction. That was supposed to keep him sharp and strong till he turned ninety.

It was supposed to. Only it didn't. When he was in his late 40s, he succumbed to alcohol. And in his early 50s he had a breakdown and was institutionalized. That was when he was diagnosed with the Alzheimer's.

He had to suffer a futile battle with his illness for the next 15 years, until on a bright summer day he quietly took his last breath while his loving wife watched over him.

The smartest people make the mistake. If you eat a balanced diet, get a plenty of sleep every night, exercise...., in other words, take a perfect care of your physical health, will it guarantee your well-being?

Not really. Take my father for an example. He was in “perfect health,” as far as his doctor was concerned, until his alcoholism took hold of him. What drove him to drink was his profound sadness, despair and self-hatred, which he would not dare to admit even to himself. Slowly it was eating him alive until.... it was too late.

The smartest people make the mistake. They focus on the physical health but failed to take a look at their emotional and spiritual health. We must remember that they are all inter-connected; our body does not stand alone independent of our mind and spirit. When one suffers, the others become affected.

A little over a year ago I saw that I was reaching a breaking point. I was overworked, stressed-out and downright miserable. I craved time to spend with my loved ones and time to spend on myself. Some days I felt like an overblown balloon about to burst. Other days I felt like I was in the dark water, hanging on to a tube full of holes. 

Clearly I was drowning, but when I opened my mouth and tried to ask for help, no sound came out.

If I did not have the example of my father, I would have pretended nothing out of ordinary was happening and kept going. After all I had a child to support and I had to be strong. I would have kept going and.... I don't know what would have happened.... I shudder at the thought of what might have happened.

But because I had a lesson of my father to teach me, I took a moment and listened. To myself. I listened quietly without judgment. My body, my mind, my spirit. They were all crying out for help. I listened and made a vow to myself. That I was taking care of myself. The whole aspects of my well-being, so I would be able to enjoy a long and joyful life with my loved ones, making unique contributions to the world that only I would be able to make.

I believe we all need a reminder to listen to ourselves. Without judgment. Without second-guessing. In the world that we live in we tend to have a skewed focus on what is happening outside of ourselves and overlook what is happening within ourselves, when, in fact, it is what is happening within ourselves that influences and modifies what we call “the reality” of our external world.

So please, today take the time to sit quietly and listen to what your body, mind, and spirit have to say. Please take the time to consider or simply do what feels right to you. Please have the courage to see what is not working in or missing from your life. You have the power to change the things you can.

What is possible for Reiki

by Misako Lauritzen

Since some of my friends have started experiencing menopause symptoms in recent years, one day I found myself researching some methods of relief for this common affliction.

Menopause symptoms and severity of them vary from person to person. For some they may only cause minor nuisances; however, for others they may seriously destroy the quality of life and could lead to severe depression. Until recently, relief from these symptoms largely relied upon hormone replacement therapy (HRT). While effective, the benefits of HRT come with certain risks. In light of these risks, many women nowadays are turning to alternative means of relief, and Reiki happens to be one of them.

Various forms of massages are also used as a relief for menopause symptoms. However, for people with extreme sensitivity, energy therapies such as Reiki may be preferred. Reiki can balance the systems of the body, which maximizes the body's natural ability to heal itself.

Some may think Reiki is akin to voodoo, and its effects are only ”placebo.” However, in fact, hospitals and clinics across America offer Reiki services. These include reputable institutions such as The Cleveland Clinic, John Hopkins and Yale New Haven Hospital. There have been numerous studies done to document effects of Reiki treatment.

According to a research study done at Hartford Hospital in Hartford, Conneticut, Reiki improved patient sleep by 86 percent, reduced pain by 78 percent, reduced nausea by 80 percent, and reduced anxiety during pregnancy by 94 percent.

I have been encouraged by the discovery and am looking forward to learning more about Reiki's potential in medical/clinical settings. The studies like the one that I referred to above lend much needed credibility to Reiki practices.

Going back to the subject of menopause, I feel passionate about finding ways for us women to transition into next stages of our lives joyfully and gracefully. I believe that alternative healing techniques such as Reiki and meditation, in tandem with proper medical supervision, can help us expand possibility of our lives.

Being Kind to Oneself

by Misako Lauritzen

We all do it. Sometimes we are so mean to ourselves. In our frustration we say to ourselves things like:

”I'm so stupid.”
”I'm such a bad mother.”
”I can't do anything right.”
"No wonder no one likes me.”

Think about what you often say to yourself. There are probably a couple of phrases that you use on a bad day.

Now I want you to think of your loved ones, one or two people in your life who are dearest to you. I want you to imagine them in trouble and suffering. Would you use these phrases on them?

"Oh my goodness, of course not!”

You would say, but why not? You say these things to yourself all the time.

You will never say these things to people that you love, because these are horrible things to say to anyone, let alone people whom you love. You do not use them against anyone, because they are as harmful as any deadly weapon. They harm our souls.

So next time you have the urge to use them against yourself, take a moment to imagine in front of your eyes your friend, child, anyone who is precious to you. Imagine saying to them the same words you were going to say to yourself.

You probably won't be able to bring yourself to do it. Good. Don't. Instead practice kindness. If it were your friend, you would give her a hug. You would hold her and comfort her, saying, ”You are doing great. There is nothing wrong here. Everything will be O.K.”

Practicing kindness is a path to happiness, and it really starts with being kind to yourself. Whenever you feel the urge to be harsh with yourself, take a moment, close your eyes if you need to. In your mind give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the back, and tell yourself that you are doing beautifully.

Please practice this for yourself, people in your life, and the world, because kindness, love and peace on earth will not be achieved as long as you are not kind, loving, and peaceful with yourself.

Happy New Year

by Misako Lauritzen

Happy New Year to you all!

To start out this brand new year, I would like to talk about celebrating life as a daily practice.

Life is victorious, even though sometimes things stand in the way and we fall flat on our face.

Every morning as we wake up, let us count our blessings. Let us think about what we are grateful for. Voice your thanks for all these things.

Then every night as we close our eyes, let us count our small victories. Our victory can be as small as making someone smile, walking that mile to take care of our body. However small they may be, they are significant all the same.

Life is victorious. Live, walk, breathe, and retire for the night as a victor. And remember to appreciate so many blessings that you have in your life :)

Taking an Inventory of Your Life

By Misako Lauritzen

The year 2014 is fast approaching, and many of us have started to contemplate on new year resolutions.

Today I would like to talk about taking an inventory of our life, so we can begin the brand new year a lot more powerfully. There are two words that we will be focusing on: integrity and commitment.

First, integrity. The word Integrity gets thrown around a lot, but I define it simply as ”You are what you say you are.” When your actions match your words, you have integrity. It is a very powerful way to live your life.

The problem is that most of us have integrity issues, which leave us unhappy and ineffective. We may not break promises that we have made to others; however, we tend not to be so honorable with ourselves.

Take a moment to reflect on your life. Think about where in your life you currently lack integrity. What are the things that you have told someone you are doing to do but have not? What have you said or thought to yourself that you are going to do this year but have failed to do so? Write them down.

It can be something as trivial as "I will exercise every day.” (This is me!) You may think falling out of integrity with yourself is not that big of a deal, because you are not hurting anyone. Well, you are dead wrong about that.

What happens when you don't do what you've said you are going to do, it conditions us to be a certain way. In other words breaking promises, slacking off become a habit. When you break a promise, you are not just breaking that one promise, but you are setting off a chain of broken promises.

When we break a promise with ourselves, we also tend to beat ourselves up. We say stuff like, ”I'm no good, ” or ”I can't do anything right.” Creating a self image like that dis-empowers us and reinforces the negative behaviors.

When we find ourselves lacking integrity in our lives, the thing to do is  to restore integrity to where it is lacking. Here is how to do it.

Examine the list that you have just made and divide the items into two groups. One is ”What you are willing to re-commit yourself to,” and the other is ”what you are not willing to re-commit yourself to.” With the latter, declare powerfully to yourself and to the universe that you are not doing them.

By owning the fact that you have failed to keep the promise with yourself and choosing NOT to commit, you can regain your sense of power and control. This is very important, so you can really focus on the list of things to which you have decided to re-commit.

With commitment, it is either you are 100% committed or not at all. If you find yourself on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean, and if you are not 100% committed to keeping yourself afloat, you will die. When you make a commitment to something, approach it as if your life depends on it. Commitment is that serious. This is why we have to be selective about our commitments.

Taking an inventory of your life will organize your thoughts and create an opening for you so you can better focus your energy and resources on things that matter most in 2014.

Next time I would like to talk about ”being kind to yourself” which would increase your chances of accomplishing your goals and being a happier person in 2014.

Namaste.

Apply for a scholarship for our 30-day coaching program for 2014!!!

All you have to do is to 1) write a paragraph or 2) to express what you would like to get out of the coaching program and email us by 12/28. You will get four (4) weekly coaching sessions (one hour per session) free of charge to begin the new year to get closer to your goal.  

Spiritual coaching complements traditional coaching techniques like goal setting with spiritual practices such as meditation. 

The winner will be announced on January 1, 2014 via email.

The Confession of a Tai-Chi Dropout

by Misako Lauritzen

My encounter with Tai-Chi goes way back to my teenage years.

I had always been fascinated by martial arts, but was intimidated by any kind of athletic activities imaginable. You see, I wasn't very well-coordinated, to put it mildly. You ask any of my peers from high school, and they can recall how much I dreaded gym classes; I would do almost anything to avoid taking part in it.

Martial arts appealed to me the way that sports did not. First of all, I saw it as a survival skill. As a young  woman who aspired to venture out all on my own into the world, I thought I should be able to protect myself. Second of all, I felt that martial arts involved both physical and spiritual aspects; I felt that for what I was lacking physically, I could make up with the strength of my mind and will.

Still I was not bold enough to try my hands at such things as karate and aikido; however, I thought I might be able to handle Tai-Chi. Tai-Chi seemed slow enough for me to follow, and, as I understood it, it did not require physical strength.

So I enrolled myself in a class offered through this community center in Hiroshima, Japan. The class consisted of about twenty people, mostly housewives in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Among them, I stood out in more ways than one; I was the only teenager in the group, and I was clueless. In a Tai-Chi class you follow the movement of your teacher as a group; there is a minimal amount of individual instructions, and, when you are lost, well, you are screwed.

I tried to ”fake it,” but the more moves I learned, the more confused I became. I became embarrassed that I kept mixing up my left with right. It would have been better if I had been able to review and practice my moves after each class, but living in a school dormitory made it nearly impossible to do so. I would have died rather than be caught doing that in the mess hall or the rooftop where we hanged our laundry to dry. Eventually it became too painful to make the same mistakes so many times, and I stopped going altogether.

When I enrolled in another Tai-Chi class about two years ago, things unfolded in much the same way. My attendance was sporadic at best, and when I realized that I was not making much progress, I convinced myself that I was just not wired for Tai-Chi.

Therefore when I showed up for Master Shao Pen's class on last Saturday morning as the co-organizer of the class, I was apprehensive. I hoped to stay out of everyone's way and to not embarrass myself.

However, to my surprise and delight, I actually enjoyed the class. Master Shao Pen made all the difference. What sets him apart from other teachers are the three things.

1. He is absolutely masterful when it comes to teaching.
Master Shao Pen Wang was one of the first (if not the first) ballet dancers that China had borne. He danced in the national ballet theater in Beijing and taught ballet in China, Japan, and the U.S. When he teaches, he not only makes it look easy but also actually easy to follow by breaking the set down to bite-size sequences.

The energy that he brings to his instructions is also amazing. He really knows how to direct people's attention and how to use his voice.

2. He truly relates to you, and makes you feel that your presence is appreciated. 

When you first meet him, Master Shao Pen shakes your hand with his both hands. He is genuinely interested in what you have to say; he often invites you to ask questions, too. He is eager to share himself. He is quite a storyteller, but he knows when to stop. All in all, his demeanor allows you to let your guard down and to open up your body and mind to learn. 

3. He educates you on the physical and spiritual aspects of Tai-Chi, which leaves you more knowledgeable about how to keep your body and mind healthy. 

In our first class, he taught us a very simple exercise for keeping ourselves stroke-free. It is as simple as tapping the inner arm joint located opposite of your elbow for twenty times or so. You make a fist with the opposite hand and use it like a hammer.

Master Shao Pen also taught us that Tai-Chi is about balancing Yin and Yang, the opposing forces in the universe such as hot and cold, male and female, good and bad. I drew a powerful insight from that. Oftentimes, I have a fixed-view of myself such as ”I am not athletic enough,” and ”I am not strong enough.” However if I see the world as not so fixed, and If I take a more yielding approach to life, possibilities that I have overlooked so far in my life will open up for me. 

I highly recommend Master Shao Pen's class to anyone who is looking to see the world with a new perspective and to approach life with the mindset of infinite possibilities in 2014. Come check it out. The next class is Saturday, January 11, 2014.

Master Shao Pen Wang's Tai-Chi Class
When: 9am - 10am & 10am -11am
Where: Pro Dance Center at 910 Roosevelt, Irvine, CA 92620